Posts Tagged abusive behaviour
Does Your Abusive Teenager Need a Boot or Brat Camp?
Posted by Norbert Georget in About Teenagers, Disciplining, Extreme Teenager, Main Blog Posts, Parenting Tips on April 28th, 2010
Living with an abusive teen can make you question more than your parenting skills; it can make you question your sanity. Teens who are abusive and out of control make life miserable for everyone involved: parents, siblings, extended family, and even teachers. The first thing you should do if you are the parent of an abusive teen is to understand that you are not a bad person or parent. While a small number of abusive teens are violent because they come from violent homes or have experienced abuse in their lives, more often than not, there are other explanations.
Understanding why your teen is violent, out of control, or abusive can be difficult. The best place to start, however, is with your family physician. The physician can rule out any underlying medical conditions through an examination and blood work. This will help to identify if your abusive teen’s behavior is the result of alcohol or drug abuse. If your family physician is unable to find any cause for the behavior, it is also important to follow up with a mental health counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. In addition to identifying disorders your teen may be suffering from, the mental health specialist can provide you and your teen with coping skills.
As the parent of an abusive teen, it is important that you protect yourself and your other family members. While your goal may be to help your teen, you cannot sacrifice your entire life to him or her. If you are married, you still need to foster that relationship by getting away and being together. If you have other children, you absolutely must ensure that they are protected and safe from any kind of violent behavior. You should communicate to your teen that abusive behavior cannot be tolerated and that if forced to do so, you will make the teen leave to protect younger members of the family who cannot protect themselves.
Protecting yourself and your family from an abusive teen’s violent behavior does not mean you don’t love your teen. It doesn’t mean you can’t still try to help by seeking treatment for your teen. Involve the school counselor and your teen’s teachers in any treatment or course of action; it often takes everyone working together as a team to help the teen learn to manage anger, work through issues without violence, and manage mental health issues.
In the most extreme cases, your teen may need the help of an outside service, such as a brat camp or boot camp. These camps are designed to take on the teen for whom no other approach has worked. Through a combination of physical and mental exercises, the teen’s behavior is retrained. There are many different types of behavior modification camps available, from wilderness programs for the troubled teens to specialized teen boarding schools. This type of intervention may offer you a solution if you feel nothing else will work.
Your teen probably doesn’t like his or her abusive behavior any more than you do, and many teens respond well to therapy, behavior modification plans, and other forms of intervention. Don’t give up, don’t respond with anger or violence, walk away if you have to, and protect yourself and your family.
Norbert Georget is an accomplished professional speaker, teen motivator, parenting expert and author of the book, No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You. You may get a FREE REPORT called No-Nonsense Parenting for the Disrespectful Teenager. All the answers you’ll need to deal with your disrespectful teenager.
What To Do With a Violent Teenager
Posted by Norbert Georget in Communication, Extreme Teenager, Parenting Tips on January 28th, 2010
Stories of violent teens are in the news regularly. Violent teens cause problems with their peers, family members, and even with strangers. There is no limit to a violent teen’s capabilities, and as a parent of a violent teen, it can seem overwhelming to be on the receiving end of their violence. These troubled teens commit random acts of violence as well as cold, calculated serious crimes, including murder. There have been numerous school shootings and problems with kids carrying guns to school threatening other students. It seems as if there is nothing off limits now for teens expressing their anger and acting out in violence.
Causes of Teen Violence
There are endless possibilities for causes of teen violence, including racism, drugs and alcohol, taunting and teasing, or a disadvantaged home life. Mental and chemical imbalances can also play a role in teen violence. Teens are frustrated and feel that they aren’t understood. It is irrelevant to them that, as parents, you were once teens too. In many ways, the difficulty is understandable. There are a lot of pressures put on teens: They have to get good grades; they have the pressures to fit in with friends and class mates. Teens have relationship issues. Depression can also play a part with violent teens. Many teens just don’t know where to turn for help with their overwhelming emotions.
Accepting the Reality of the Situation
We need to realize in our society that violent teens are a real threat. We have to stop underestimating the feelings and abilities of violent teens. Parents and other authoritative figures in a teen’s life must stay aware and not ignore warning signs. As exposure to violence has increased, so has teen violence. Teens act out to express feelings that they otherwise don’t know how to articulate. We have to help teens find words to express the way they feel to decrease the chances that they will act out their feelings in violence.
Information and Education
As parents you must take the initiative to educate yourself on the resources available in your community. There are support groups and classes you can take to increase both your knowledge and the knowledge that you are able to impart to your teens. It is not sufficient to simply tell your teens that violence is not an acceptable way to express feelings. You have to give them the tools and resources that will ensure their success. As much as you need to encourage the use of appropriate coping skills, it also has to be made clear that violence will simply not be tolerated. The earlier in life this idea is introduced and enforced will make it that much less likely to prove to be a problem as kids get older and are faced with more difficult situations.
Anger Management Skills
There are several simple ideas that can help diffuse the emotions of violent teens.
- Breathing exercises
- Anger management classes
- Counseling
- Parental support and communication
- Exercise
Parents and caregivers need to partner together to provide the best possible support system for our teens. We have to get our violent teens under control for the safety of our society and the future well being and quality of life for next generations.
Norbert Georget is an accomplished professional speaker, teen motivator, parenting expert and author of the book, No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You. You may get a FREE REPORT called No-Nonsense Parenting for the Disrespectful Teenager. All the answers you’ll need to deal with your disrespectful teenager.
Talking With Your Teen About Date Rape
Posted by Norbert Georget in About Teenagers, Main Blog Posts on October 31st, 2009
Sometimes, words and phrases get used so much that they become too comfortable. The media gets ahold of them and they become buzz words and the meaning behind the words gets lost. Date rape sometimes seems to be one of them. In fact, I have recently heard some girls tossing around the word ‘rape’ like it is something funny. But having someone physically force you to participate in a sex act that you do not want to participate in is anything but funny.
As a parent, you need to talk to your kids about date rape. Date rape is forcible sexual activity against a person’s will by someone they know. It is common among high school and college age teens and young adults. It often goes underreported and the impact of the experience can be emotionally devastating. Date rape often occurs in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where one partner is ready for more sexuality than the other is. It often begins with verbal pressure and harassment that often leads to physical coercion.
Yes, you should talk to your daughters and let them know that their bodies belong to them and they have the power to say no when being pressured to have sex. You should talk tothem about identifying risky situations and avoiding situations that might result in date rape (getting into a car with a boy they don’t trust, going somewhere other than they planned to go with a boy, drinking or accepting a drink they did not pour themselves).
We also need to talk to daughters about misusing the word rape in a joking manner. As devastating as it is for a girl to experience rape of any kind, it can be just as devastating for a boy to be accused of it who has not actually done anything wrong. While it is less common, we also need to talk to our daughters about respecting boys’ limits and not trying to force their boyfriends to participate in sex acts that make them uncomfortable. Date rape does happen where the female is the perpetrator.
Talking to teenage boys about date rape should be a similar conversation to the one you have with your daughters: the boys should respect the word no, no matter what has happened up to that point, but they should also have the power to say no if they feel like they are the ones being pressured. It is ok to tell your teen son that it’s ok not to have sex.
An area that may be neglected in the whole conversation is that of same sex date rape. Whether both parties are homosexual or they are just experimenting with sexuality, your teens should know that the same rules apply with same sex friends that apply with the opposite sex.
Ultimately, this topic needs to be addressed with both genders. The more we can send a consistent message of respect for boundaries, and the younger we can start addressing respect for boundaries in age appropriate ways, the better kids will be at handling the situations that arise.
Norbert Georget is an accomplished professional speaker, teen motivator, parenting expert and author of the book, No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You. You may get a FREE REPORT called No-Nonsense Parenting for the Disrespectful Teenager. All the answers you’ll need to deal with your disrespectful teenager.
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